A Road not taken

A Road Not Taken

There is a poem. Quite well known. It is by a gentleman by the name of Robert Frost. It title is the same as this post. A Road Not taken.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

I love this poem. It resonates with me. I feel it is one that applies to me.

But it doesn't. Not really. Because I tread a road that plenty of other people do tread, and feel that they are alone, even when there are plenty of people around them. It has many nicknames and sometimes seems to me to be prevalent among the people of today, more than it ever did. But maybe that because people are mostly willing to talk about it now. to confront it. I also have some other theories but that is for another day. The road I am talking about is depression.

This blog is going to be about my journey through life with depression and other problems I have. it going to focus on the here and now. I might delve into the past occasionally, but apart from a precis that I'm going to give in the next post, I am not going to mention the past that much.

"Why?" I hear you say. "Surely to understand it all, we have to go back to the beginning." Well, yes, I did have to. To understand myself I had to go over the past over and over. There were particular parts I dissected many times. BUT.

  I am for the most part a private and very independent person (if any of my family and most of my friends read this, they probably will think boy he ain't kidding!) To figure out a bunch of stuff, I had to crawl through my own personal hell. It wasn't fun. A lot of the time I cried and would withdraw into myself. I didn't want to be around people, cos I was convinced that the dark cloud I was carrying around was something that could hurt other people. That sort of past gazing can cause a lot of self harm to your psyche and I don't recommend it, unless you are prepared for it, or talking with a professional. tbh, the second is probably the wiser one, but well, I never been that good at taking the less stubborn route.

As to why I am creating this blog, well it for a couple of reasons. I started acknowledging this year, that I have a serious problem. Before, I would dismiss, it make light of it and hide it. People, This is not a sensible thing to do. take it from me. I am hoping that this blog will help me to figure it out, by putting it down in writing so I can review it.

"But why are you putting it in such a public domain?" Well, now we have come to my second reason. Understand this. I have thought of going the suicide route. The reason I haven't? I have a very supportive family background, and some amazing friends. But, as I mentioned earlier, I am a very private and independent person. I don't communicate well through voice. As a result, while most of my family and friends know I have problems, they probably don't realise how I have and still do struggle so hard. but I always been good with putting down words. So, I guess this is my attempt to open up to them, because I do want to. I'm just not good at it face to face and with voice.